OK, we're going to pick on everybody and since I'm a guitar player, we'll start with them.
GUITARIST JOKES
1. How many guitar players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
All of them. One to do it and the rest to say "I could do that better and faster".
2. How do you get a guitar player to finally shut up and stop playing?
Put some sheet music in front of them.
3. A little boy told his mom "When I grow up I want to play guitar." And she
replied " I'm sorry honey, you can't do both."
BASS PLAYER JOKES
1. What's the difference between a bass player and a large pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family of four.
2. Some scientists were going through the rainforest with a native guide. They started hearing drums and became really afraid. They asked the guide if they should be worried. He replied "Drums not bad, very bad when drums
stop". "What happens then?" they asked in great fear. The guide replied
"Bass solo."
3. How many bass players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. The keyboard player does it with his left hand.
4. A bass player was beating up a small child. The rest of the band came running up and asked why he was beating this child. The bass player said "He detuned one of my strings!" The rest of the band asked again why he was beating this little child. The bass player responded with "He won't tell me which string it was".
DRUMMER JOKES
1. What do you call someone that hangs around with musicians? A drummer.
2. How can you tell when a drummer is going too fast?
The Pizza Hut sign flies off the top of the car.
3. What do you call a drummer that broke up with his girlfriend? Homeless.
KEYBOARD PLAYER JOKES
1. What is the right type of keyboard solo? So low you can't hear it.
2. How do you get a keyboard player off your front porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
LEAD SINGER JOKES
1. Why did the lead singer have trouble with the door?
They couldn't find the key and didn't know when to come in.
2. How many lead singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. They simply hold the bulb up to the socket because they know the world
revolves around them.
ACCORDIAN AND BANJO JOKES
1. What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
People usually cry when they cut an onion in half.
2. What's the difference between a banjo and a trampoline?
People usually take their shoes off before they jump on a trampoline.
3. What's the definition of Perfect Pitch?
When you throw an accordian into the dumpster and it lands on a banjo.
4. What's the difference between an accordian and a lawn mower?
You can tune a lawn mower.
5. An accordian player had to go into a bad part of town to pick up the check from last night's gig. He was worried because his $3000.00 accordian was in the backseat of his parked car. The manager of the club seemed to take forever to get the check ready and the accordian player was sweating bullets the whole time. As soon as he got his check he dashed out the door and, sure enough, his back window was broken out. With great dread he looked into the backseat and saw three more accordians.
ORCHESTRA JOKES
1. What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra?
The bull has the horns in front and the a##hole in back.
MUSIC THEORY JOKES
1. The musician working in the coal mine was looking for a new key to compose in. Just then an elevator's cables snapped and it flew to the bottom of the shaft. The musician hurried down there and found a flat miner.
OK, SO HERE ARE LINKS TO COMPREHENSIVE MUSICIAN JOKE COMPILATION SITES:
http://www.ducksdeluxe.com/jokes.html
http://www-cs-students.stanford.edu/~dufour/HUMOR/music.html
